Why am I still here? o.O

Ha hee haha. Another Harry potter icon. Oh the cuteness.



An update on A Lion Among Men - the book I've been reading for... months. I'm frustrated. I don't want to stop reading it, because well, I've read the other two books in the series, so I don't want to leave the series unfinished. But... I just can't seem to want to read it. Since I re checked it out those couple weeks ago, I've read only twenty pages. And that was broken down to 5 pages the first day I re checked it out, and 15 this past Monday. It's a battle, making myself read it. Oy. This book, this series, is definitely not one of my favorites.


I... have a fear of doctors. And anything that may fall in to that category. Eye doctors, and dentists count too. The last time I encountered a doctor, it was an eye doctor, and I was shaking so bad, the poor guy had to continually talk to try and calm me down. It's been about six years since I've gone to a doctor, and over ten years since I've gone to a dentist. Which, is a little crazy, since I think that last dentist visit screwed me over. They put a filling in a tooth, where the gum above it has since been swollen. It sometimes hurts to use that tooth, so I don't often use that side to eat. And it's been like that since the dentist visit. Ha.

Well, things have gotten worse. I think there's a cavity in a tooth on that same side, and it's gotten so bad that when I eat something, that tooth gives me severe pain. Orajel doesn't work on it, all that does is sorta numb that side of my tongue and cheek. Yesterday the pain was so bad, I took some Motrin, then curled up on my bed unmoving until the pain went away. It's making me afraid to eat. That was the morning of two days ago, and I haven't eaten since. I am going to try eating today though, there's a can of soup in the pantry, so I'm going to see if hot liquids bother the tooth as bad as normally eating does. Water doesn't bother it, unless it's cold water, which isn't a problem, since we keep our bottled water sitting in the entryway, so they're not refrigerated.

I won't go to the dentist. I'm using "I'm completely broke" as the excuse, but honestly, even if I had the money I wouldn't go. The only reason I'm able to handle the eye doctor is because the exam is fairly unobtrusive. The worst they do is blow a puff of air in to my eyes... which I always blink at, so often and quickly that they don't realize I've blinked, and as a result, they have to numb my eyes to make sure I don't have glaucoma. The dentist is far worse. Attacking and stabbing and yelling at me for not taking good care of my teeth... I would much rather knock the tooth out on my own than go to a dentist to stop the pain. I saw Tom Hanks do it on Cast Away... he used a rock and an ice skate. I bet it hurt one hell of a lot when he did it, but atleast the pain eventually went away...

Moving on, I've been thinking of various costumes for my costume party picture... and I think I'm making three costumes. Hahaha. So Etti, Corinne, and Gemma will all be participating. Wish me luck with that. lol. I'm going to attempt to make some doll stands for Etti and Gemma, so they don't all have to be sitting. (Corinne has a broken leg, so she will have to sit) I spent a bit of yesterday trying to make some clay thingers for one of their costumes, Etti's I think. I'm about to head down to paint them, and see if they'll fit together. Here's hoping. Hahaha.

I had been a bit sad, because I raided my closet for pretty fabric from clothes I no longer wear, and couldn't find anything. My closet consists of various tshirts and jeans. I don't have much of anything else. But then I asked my mom if she had any pretty clothing she no longer wears. Talk about Jackpot. She wandered through her closet for about ten minutes, and came out with a bunch of lovely different shirts and skirts and dresses. And she wasn't even done looking through them all when I decided I had enough to work with. Hahaha. It was definitely a happy moment. When ya got no moolah to buy fabric, cutting up old clothes works too. Woot.

What's frustrating is I'm usually up at night, and then make my way through various times of day before passing out. Which means I normally go downstairs to mess with things in the middle of the night. But the past couple nights, my brother and his girlfriend has been sleeping downstairs on the couch. I'm not sure why they is, but they is, and so I can't do anything. My clay stuffs were moved in to the room next to the couch, and there's no wall to separate it - so I can't rightly turn on the light to play without shining that light in their eye. And the basement isn't insulated enough, anything I do there echoes loundly, and so would bother them. Grr. So now I have to see about doing stuff when they're awake. Atleast that means I can steal in to his room and use his printer in the middle of the night... Okay, I've decided that I can mess with my clay while they're sleeping - atleast once morning hits. (630/7am ish) I have my mum's mini laptop, to which I've been downloading songs. Stick some headphones in and I'll have something to listen to while I'm quietly messing with clay.

The boyfriend took my car yesterday, and he's still not home. It's a bummer, because that means I've no idea when he'll be home, and when he does get home, he'll probably go straight to sleep. Today I had hoped that he and I and my bro and his girl would be able to go to the buffet at the casino. We can get in free because my mom is a huge gambler - she accumulates all these points that are good to redeem in the buffet. It's yummy there, and with the bro and his girl's work schedules, it's hard to get a time that would work to go. Then we have to make sure my mom's home so that she can be there to get us in. Usually it's not me or the bf that's the problem, because we're both unemployed, and so are often home. But of course, he's off. He doesn't have a cell anymore, so I can't call him. UGH. I'm hoping he'll be back soon, so I can talk to him about possibly waking him up in time to go tonight. *shrug* I don't even know where he is. He was being a smartass, and refusing to tell me where he was going - which he does occasionally. He'll then tell me when he gets home. It doesn't bother me, because normally, if he's out, he's at his parents' house, or a friend's house. They might drink at the friend's house, but he's fairly good about being responsible.

Anyhoo, I'm off for the day. Gonna bring the laptop downstairs and play.