Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas

I had intended on writing a different blog today. About how the boyfriend's birthday was yesterday, and that makes him 24 while I'm still 23... about other happy things too. But there's been a change of plans.

For the past few years, I've always been weary around the holidays. It seems my luck with the holidays are never pleasant. Breakups - both boyfriends and friends - seem to find December as the ideal place to occur. Last year, nothing bad happened, and I thought I had finally gotten out of the rut.

I woke up today to find Jeremiah cleaning up a bit. I assumed he was just helping out a little. But then I noticed a few of his storage boxes were gone. When I asked about them, he told me he was moving his stuff back to his parents. I left the room. Started to cry. I couldn't ask anything further, because I immediately thought the worst, but kept trying to calm myself down. I told myself he was sick of the messy room and would move the stuff back once we finished cleaning. Once I had that in my head, I calmed down enough to come back upstairs to ask further questions. I was wrong.

He felt that he's spent the last four and a half years content with nothing. But at the same time, he knew he shouldn't be. Most of the time he had no job, and played on the computer every day. He was frustrated at himself for being content. He feels like a failure, and thinks the only way he can get over this stage is by doing a complete "reset". Taking away everything. Including me.

He said he still cares about me, and that he feels horrible for not being a good boyfriend to me. That he felt like he was neglecting me, and knew he hadn't done anything to change it, because he's stuck with being content. He left.

I feel like a part of me has been ripped out, that it won't ever heal, and all I want to do about it is curl up in a ball to die.When my life felt like it couldn't get any worse, I had a life preserver right there to keep me up. He was my light. When I thought about killing myself, I always decided I wouldn't. I didn't have to, because I still had him. Even if I fucked everything else up in my life, I still had him. So I couldn't have done everything wrong, right? I still had him. And now I don't.

My birthday is the 17th. I had been looking forward to spending the day with him.

I don't know what to do. Part of me is in the worst pain of my life, while the other part is completely numb.

I understand everything he told me. I'd begun to suspect that he might choose this path sooner or later. But instead of thinking further down that path, I chose the selfish route, and chose to keep him for as long as he'd stay.

I drew him in to the family picture. The one that was printed on to all the Christmas Cards. The one that was just sent out to the entire family. It's hard to believe he's gone. I had always pictured being with him for the rest of my life.

I feel like it's my fault. That I'm the reason he was content. I'm a fuck up, and I was bringing him down with me. And now I'[m paying the price for it.

Nobody's home right now. In a way it's a good thing, because then I don't have to feel embarrassed or they don't have to feel awkward while I'm balling my eyes out. But part of me wishes someone was. I might not be crying so much if someone was home. I tried calling some people, but no one's home. They're all at work.

I am alone.

Happy Day After Turkey Day!

Teehee... teehee hee. Today I chose Alice and Jasper because I saw New Moon on Monday and thought it was lovely. All except for maybe an absolutely and completely pointless fight scene... I know it's Hollywood so they need to add more action.. but they could choose a better place to add it? Or maybe make the fight have a point?? I do so love the Twilight Series though. Can't wait to see the next film.



I shall start today by cursing at this new picture thing the blog maker has now. Then I will share a picture:

He he he... I saw this sign in the knick knacks section of a thrift store, and thought it was cute, so I took a pic with my phone. :)

Next up, I thought I'd share a picture of all the goodies my lovely ED friend mayple sent me one happy day:

Teehee! Soooo many fun things to play with! I had tons of fun looking through it all, and thinking of things to make from it. I ended up using some of the boa yarn as hair for one of my little clay figurines... hmm... boa yarn that I now see I forgot to throw in the picture. Oops. Hehe. THANK YOU AGAIN MAYPLE!

Another thing to share, I'm a fan of whoopie pies. Actually, I make them a lot smaller than they should be, so I call them just whoopies. Anyhoo, while wandering various blogs one day a couple weeks back, I found a recipe for Pumpkin Whoopie Pies at my friend Ruth's daughter's blog. They looked sooo yummy I decided to bug my dad to buy some extra ingredients when we went turkey-day-grocery-shopping. Then Monday morning, at around 2am, I opted to make them instead of sleeping. Boy was that fun! And it looks like Ruth's daughter makes them small too, mine ended up looking a lot like hers did, except not as perfectly round, cuz I was just using a tbsp measuring spoon. But goodness! They're yummy! The boyfriend has been eating them in lieu of meals, and my mom keeps telling me to make more. If you like pumpkin pie, you'd like these cookies. They basically taste just like a piece of pumpkin pie, except instead of whipped cream on top, you have cheesecake in the middle. lol. Pumpkin cheesecake. mmmm....


Next up... my clay thingers.

Tada! They are the twelve days of Christmas.  Teehee. I sorta placed them all in an odd way... 1-4 on the top row (1 being the one in dark green reading a book) then 5-8 in the middle sorta, and 9-12 in front... and they're all right to left, not left to right. *shrug* lol. They took quite a while to make, and I really wasn't sure of pricing, so they're probably overpriced, but oh well. They can be found here at my etsy. My goal was to sell just one. If just one sold, I'd be happy. And one did sell! Six Geese a Laying, which is kind partially hidden back there, so here's a better pic of her:

Sold just hours after I posted them. And the buyer also bought all three of my little clay books, which made me double happy, though confused. Why on earth would someone want 3 little clay books that all look almost exactly the same? lol. But oh wells. Hehe. Of all of my Twelve Days of Christmas, my favorite one is Four Calling Birds.

She's got pink hair, green eyes, a cute little dress, a pink cellphone, she's barefoot, and she has four birds "a calling" on their own little cellphones. Ha hahahahaha. Fun stuff. Fuuun stuff.

So a couple months back, I was thinking of Christmas. Every year, my dad chooses 20 or so Christmas songs, sticks them all on CDs, then sends them to the family as Christmas cards. But... after 4 Christmases... 80 songs later... it's getting more and more difficult to find songs that he likes to put on CDs. I mean, there are hundreds of Christmas songs out there, but eh, lots of them sound rather... the same. So, thinking he might still want to send out special cards, I thought I would draw a picture, then we could print them out on  cards and send them out. My first thought was a family photo. I think I was 5 the last time we all actually sat down for a photo together. And now there's my bf, and my bro's gf, who've basically been a part of this family for almost 5 years now. So I went a drawing. But then my idea for the Twelve Days of Christmas showed up, and I ended up halting my drawing to get the ladies finished. I went back to it this past wednesday, and ended up with:

Tada! Hehe haha. That's me sitting on the floor to the left, then the bf is on a chair to himself, my mum is standing behind him, my dad is standing next to her, and my bro and his gf are both sitting in another chair. Technically speaking, we only have one of those chairs. We have one chair and a sofa in that pattern. But I liked them better in chairs. Also, of everything everyone is wearing, I made up almost all the outfits. They're just shirts I thought we'd wear. I'd totally wear the "silent night" shirt, and my bf loves wearing button shirts open with tshirts under them. My bro loves penguins, and my bro's gf is all for wearing something that sorta matches him. My mom actually wears a hat that's similar, save for the red glitter heart, (the heart on her hat is silver) and I think she owns a button down similar to that one... she might even have a green shirt too. lol. My dad is the only one in the picture wearing something that I know for a fact that he wears. Every Christmas. An old santa hat and a dark blue hawaiian shirt. I even pulled the shirt from his closet to reference it. Hehe.

I'm going to get everyone's signatures, and scan them in to put them on the picture itself. I showed the pic to my dad, who liked it and sent me out to buy blank greeting cards. So hopefully by the end of this weekend, I'll have been able to get everyone's signature and print out some cards. Hooray.



A final note here, to anyone who reads my blog. I entered a small contest at a forum I frequent, called Real Life Plus.  I'm not even sure why I entered, as often the contest is more based on popularity than what each entry actually is. But the winner gets an ipod shuffle, and I've wanted an mp3 player for ages. Got one for Christmas last year, but it was broken, or just wouldn't work with my computer, so it had to be returned. :(

Anyhoo, only four people entered the contest this time, and I'd really, really like to win, I worked really hard on my entry... and so I'm sorta asking anyone who might have the time... if they could possibly sign up for the site, and vote for me? I'd greatly appreciate it.

Here's the link to register to the site.

And here's a link to the contest for this month. My entry is the last one, found here.

And finally here's the link to the poll for voting. The only poll you can vote on right now is "Digging for Tunes" and my entry is called "The Treasure of the Tunes - noxy"

Voting is only up until the 30th of this month.  If you can't then no worries, not that big a deal. Just sorta hopin' I win.

And with that, I'm off. Toodles blog world!

Messing with clay

I chose this icon on purpose today. Harry Potter 5 is one of those awesome movies that doesn't sit on the title screen playing the same 30 seconds of annoyingness. After a short bit, it automatically plays the movie. Which is why I've now sat through this movie about a dozen times in the past three days. Ha. Hahaha. I've been cycling through various movies. HP 1-5 minus the 2nd one cuz I couldn't find it, Twilight, Corpse Bride three times in a row - the last time being a special feature: the music only score of the movie. That was interesting, cuz music doesn't play all the way through thee movie, so sometimes it was rather quiet - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory three times in a row, RENT, Sweeney Todd, Up, then, when I found the second HP, I re watched 1-5. That's when I found out 5 repeats itself. And it's stayed there ever since. I have to have something on while messing with my projects. And the ear buds for this laptop hurts my ears if I wear them too long. So yeah, just having a movie playing for me to stare at every now and again. Works for me.



 I suppose I'll share what I've been doing these past couple of weeks. I've been messing with clay. Making small figurines. I don't know if they'll sell, but I will be trying to sell them. I'm not even sure how much to try and sell them for. But you know, whatever. They're major bits of fail in my opinion. Ha. But we'll see if they grow on me. Here, a teaser pic:

Three of the figurines. They are not finished yet. And there are more of them. I'm trying my hardest to get these figures done as soon as possible. I hope to be done by the end of this week. I had hoped to be done by yesterday. But, I underestimated the amount of time these thingers would take. And my complete and utter inadequacy at making clothes. I've basically glued all these clothes together. Ha.

This little lady's overalls are the worst of all of the clothes so far. They make me laugh. But hey, that just makes them special. Hee hee haha.

Enough talking. Short post tonight. Going to spend another half hour on them, then hit the hay. G'night.

It's Friday Night. Do you know where YOU are?

Hee hee haha. Pocahontas is a great movie, but I must admit my favorite parts had to be the parts that involved the bird, the raccoon and the pug. I... don't know if I remember their names... Flit... or Flik? Might have been the bird, then Meeko? Could have been the raccoon. I'm fairly certain the little pug was named Percy. Hee hee. I named my carved jack o lantern Percy! Though the name just came to me when I was naming the pumpkin. I hadn't thought to name it after anything.

Speaking of Percy the Pumpkin. I dried up the pumpkin seeds, then boiled them in saltwater, only to dry them out again. Problem with that though... I might have ruined them. I think I boiled them too long. The water had been almost boiled completely away because I forgot about it. Then to fix it, I added water to continue boiling it... only to almost boil it away again. I've never made these things before!! So yeah, they're drying, and hopefully they'll taste okay. Here's hoping. Ha.

Tada! A picture of some of the candies I passed out on Halloween. And now I present you with a couple of pictures of my in my Gryffindor costume.

I was this a couple of years ago, but I felt the urge to dress up to pass out candy. Plus, I love the cloak thinger. And I'd look rather odd if I wore it on a normal basis. Plus, when I stand, the cloak just barely touches the floor. Which means, when I walk, I easily trip over the derned thing. Especially if I'm walking up a curb or steps or something. The only difference between this year's "student" and the "student" from a couple years ago - wardrobe wise - is here I'm wearing gray slacks, whereas last time I wore a black skirt. I couldn't find the skirt though, so meh. And I wore gray socks instead of the gray tights I wore with the skirt. I couldn't find the wand I carved! I'm still upset about that. Luckily I had a backup in my Hogwarts bookbag. It was the wand that came in a book called "The Wandmaker's guide to Wandmaking" or something like that. I went all out for this costume those years back. LOL. Even though noone looked IN my bag, *I* knew what was in there.

Technically, I didn't have any butterbeer in there this year, cuz I didn't have the money to go buying cream soda and butterscotch schnapps. OH I wish I did have the money though. That stuff is yummy. And you know what? Most of the kids who recognized my outfit? Asked if I was HARRY POTTER! WTF? In kindergarten I get looked at funny because I'm Raphael, a DUDE, for Halloween. And NOW kids automatically assume I'm a dude because of the outfit?? Do you SEE a lightning bolt scar or glasses on my anywhere?! Oy. Meh, my answer was always yes. Sure, I'm Harry. I got a few kids asking if I was Hermione, which in my mind made a bit more sense, because I'm a chick. And one kid asked if I was Padma Patel. Which I thought was funny, since obviously they took my skintone in to consideration when guessing. I gave them extra candy. Hehe. One person actually did guess I was just a Gryffindor student though. It was the father of an adorable little toddler who just wanted candy, and instead had to wait while his dad and I talked about Harry Potter. Hahaha.

So I mentioned I had taken over the dining room area for my clay makings. Last night, my brother informs me that he's having friends over, and that I will need to clean up the dining room before tomorrow night. It... PISSED ME OFF. I hated having a nice little workspace, only to have to clean it all up before I'm even done playing, just because HE'S having company over. I tell ya, if I ever manage to get myself in to a place all my own, I'd BETTER have an area ALL TO MYSELF that I can play with whenever I want. I know I have to clean up the dining room before Thanksgiving, and I was preparing for that, but then he comes along and makes me clean up sooner. And then? AND THEN!!! Today he comes home, and my mom's like "So you're having friends over?" And he replies, "No, they're coming tomorrow. I didn't think it would be clean by tonight." 

...

...

UGHHHHH. MAKE ME CLEAN UP MY AREA JUST SO YOUR BLOODY FRIENDS CAN COME OVER AND THEN YOU FIGURE I WON'T EVEN DO WHAT YOU FRICKIN' ASKED??!

Are you KIDDING ME? I don't even see why I had to clean up the room in the first place. It's not like it was disgusting old food or something all over the room. It was clay, wax paper, aluminum foil, and small bottle things of paint. And they were just strewn about the table. They're not even going to use the dining room. Seriously! If they asked about it, he could have said "Oh my sister makes things with clay" or something like that.

So basically, I moved all my stuff from the wonderfully lit dining room, to the crappily lit "family room," where everything is on two coffee tables, so the table height requires me to sit on the floor. I'm a bit ticked off. 

I had a dream the other night. It was weird, and "romance" related... but it was set in a bakery. More importantly, it was apparently my bakery. That stood out in my mind. I think some day I might like to try baking cakes. Hahaha. Like, really making one. Not using cake mix. lol. But that's... someday in the future. For now I play with clay.

I think I'll end tonight with some pictures of two ED's. Annika's ED's to be precise. She is lucky enough to own Laird, a gorgeous ebony skinned male ED, and has recently acquired an equally gorgeous, pale skinned female, named Agatha.

There's agatha. I'm smitten with this little lady's nose. It's sooo adorable.

And there's the two of them. Suuuch a lovely couple. It makes me want a couple for myself. For the longest time I've wanted sisters. But, now I'm thinking I'd rather have a couple. Either way is far fetched, and I'm lucky to get my hands on one, let alone two. I don't even know when I'll be lucky enough to get my one.  Sigh. In my imaginary world, where I'm... you know, a millionaire, I own a dozen different custom EDs, plus a few of the costumed EDs. Ha ha ha. 

Happy Halloween!!

10/30... the 2nd

Ha... I think this is a new event. Posting twice in one day. Oh wells, it sorta feels like it's a new day, since I posted last night at 130am. James McAvoy... whew, he... is... yummy. I found I have quite a few icons of this beautiful man on this laptop. And I'm certainly not complaining.


I went back to the library. Thank goodness I planned it this way, because I thought I returned all but one of my previous batch... but that was incorrect. One of the books fell behind my chair in the car. And I probably wouldn't have even realized it had I not been looking to re-check it out in the library today. When it wasn't there, I looked in my car. Phew. Close one. Actually, I need to hop on my 'puter upstairs to double check and make sure I've turned in all the books from the last batch... cuz I've gone completely overboard with all the books I've borrowed. Ya know how yesterday (last night... early this morning.... whatever) I said I checked out almost 20? Well, I checked out about that much today too. Ahem. So I've got about 40 books to wander through. Technically, it's probably closer to 37, and actually, it's more like 31, because 6 are for the boyfriend to read. Ha. Of the 30 or so books I have for myself:
~3 are fiction
~5 are books to improve writing
~4 are books I'll probably only flip through
~4 are on cloth dolls and doll costumes
~4 are on sewing
~4 are on misc stuffs
~4 are artwork books that I'll be just staring at
~3 are on polymer clay

Those are my lovely books. And my tote that I carry my notebook and my writing companion - a stuffed polar bear named Mel - in. UGH! So I got paranoid and went upstairs to make sure all the books from my last batch were in and I didn't misplace any. It said I missed one. Damn it. So I hop in my car and go searching for the missing book. Nothing. My friend took me to the library yesterday, so I texted her to ask to check her car when she got out of work. Meanwhile, I wandered back to the library to see if the book was there. And it was. Dang it. I'm freaking out because I thought I'd lost a book, and they had just stocked the book but never checked it back in. So I brought it to the front desk, and the lady assured me it was impossible, and that it must be another copy of the same book. But she looked it up, and sure enough, it was the same book. Dern it. The lady was all like "Oh my! I don't understand how that could have happened!" Talk about a *PHEW* moment.

A few days ago, me and a friend went to a pet store. We were attacked by salespeople in a way different than normal. Rather than them talking to us and asking the same questions, they came armed with animals. One with three kittens, and one with a golden retriever puppy. So my friend - being a cat person - went with the kittens, and me - the dog person - went with the puppy. They gave me two puppy toys - that the puppy had absolutely no interests in. Instead, the puppy chewed on my shoelaces, (untied them) my hoody sleeve, and my camera strap.

There's the pup, attacking my strap. She was a sweetie, just in to the tugging phase. I had to hide my camera before she did damage. While she was grabbing at my sleeve, she nicked my thumb, right at the cuticle, which is already terrible. It started to bleed, a lot. So I tucked my thumb in my fist as fast as possible, and stood to get someone's attention. Couldn't play with the puppy with a bloody hand. NOONE was around!! They were gone! There were customers, no salespeople! Usually there's a dozen different folks asking me one by one if I want to buy the dog I'm playing with, but not this time. So I'm standing there, waiting for someone, and trying to fight off the puppy, because since I stood, it started tugging on my shoelaces again. When I finally got someone, she gave me a bandage and showed me to the bathroom. Despite the fact that I had tucked my thumb in my fist tightly, the blood was still flippin' flowing! So I washed it a couple times with the soap, and used the bandage. Then I went looking for my bud. She was still in a cubby, with the kittens. When I looked over the wall, she looked up at me and said "the kitten lady never came back." It was crazy! They must have been short staffed that day. I wandered around until I could find someone to take the kittens so we could leave. Oy.

I took a couple more pictures of the clay pumpkin and the carved pumpkin today.

I have them on a box, on an end table. I opened the window just enough to show the pumpkins, but I didn't lke how much it exposed in the living room, so I taped up a garbage bag to cover the pumpkins and the window. Ha. I win. The last picture sorta looks like my clay pumpkin has an extra tooth. That's one of the flickering candles. There's three in it, because just one didn't seem bright enough.

While I was outside taking the picture of how the pumpkins looked in the dark, I wanted to share this with you too. Most of this bush is still green, but a few of the leaves are beginning to turn. If I remember I'll go back out tomorrow and take a few pics of some of the other leaves too. I just love how this bush starts to turn. It's so pretty.


When I came back in, I took a picture of my halloween costume. It's like, you know, three halloweens old, but meh. Thought I could dress up while passing out candy.

And then, while wandering this laptop, a thinger came up to tell me to clear out space on the hard drive. I clicked the button that said to do it manually, and up popped the Add/Remove programs. The first program was a webcam program. I was like "wha?!" So I went searching, and lo and behold, the little dot on the top of the screen is a webcam! Hahaha. So I took a picture of my camera, the cable 'mote, and my phone. Hahaha.

Currently watching the Panic Room. Didn't know that Stewart chick was in it. Interesting. So I'm off to watch, and take a gander at some of the books I have set out. hehe

10/30

I'm unable to think of a good title for today's blog. Oh well. I'm feeling a bit sick to my stomach right now. I had some devilled eggs (not sure of the spelling) and I don't think they liked me as much as I liked them. Joy. I'm also on my mom's laptop as opposed to my computer. So I only have a couple of icons accessible to me, and I don't rightly feel like looking for new icons. This one is of Zooey Deschanel. I absolutely adore this actress. I think she's gorgeous. In all honesty, Zooey is definitely current inspiration for my someday ED. Yep, my someday ED has changed again. No longer is it black haired, gold eyed, Noire. Haha.

I returned 18 of the 19 books I checked out from the library. Tomorrow I plan on returning the last book, re-checking out three I returned yesterday, and checking out a couple more books. That's... added to the 16 books I checked out yesterday. In my defense, a lot of them were not chosen to read, but rather to admire. Books full of artwork and whatnot, to just stare at. I also picked up some books on polymer clay. I still have a lot to learn on the medium. And some "For Dummies" books on sketching and painting, two categories that I would love to further explore, both of which I'm rather horrible at in my own opinion. And a few more books on writing.

I'm getting annoyed at my blog thingy. I have the list of blogs I love to read. And I visit my blog to see the list to find out if it's been updated. But I noticed 2 weeks ago that the list wasn't updating itself. Like, Reddiker Woodes, She's been writing almost every day and it wasn't until just recently that my list updated itself. So I went back and read all the entries I missed. And while I visited Yren's blog, I noticed my blog on her list wasn't updated either. EVen though it's been like two weeks since I last wrote, two weeks is still sooner than the entry that's listed as most recent, which was more like three weeks ago. It bothers me. I started to rely on the blog list to keep me updated, and it's not. So now I've been checking each blog indiviually every day, like I used to before I started depending on blogspot. It looks as though it's updating again, so all is well, but still, it sure did annoy me for long enough.

As I mentioned above, I'm on my mom's laptop. She begged my dad for a laptop for years, even though she doesn't know how to use a 'puter, and so my dad bought her one for her birthday. He spent days trying to teach her to use it, and she'd stand there and not listen. Then she'd complain because she doesn't know how to use it. Frickin' annoying. Then she asked my dad if he bought it at Walmart, so that she could possibly return it and use the money for something else. He didn't, and actually, this laptop was on sale because it was being discontinued. So ha. And well, I've wanted a laptop too. Just because I like the idea of being able to sit elsewhere's other than my desk. So a few months ago I asked to borrow my mom's laptop, and she told me to keep it until she asked for it back. She hasn't asked for it back. So I've been using it, although I tend to use it mainly to listen to music while I'm playing with clay. The laptop is significantly slower than my computer, so I tend to get frustrated and have to calm myself down when the laptop is extra slow.

I'm on this laptop because the boyfriend is on my 'puter. His computer died a couple weeks back. It shows the blue screen of death before it even loads the computer. So he's going to start saving for a new 'puter. He got a job too! He works at a deli counter now in a grocery store. He actually doesn't like it at all. But, it's all he's got right now, so he'll live with it. I'm going to head further away to go job hunting. I figure the closer we get to the holidays, the more jobs available. I'll settle for seasonal for sure.

I think I'm going to do something I'm ashamed to say I haven't done in years. I'm going to clean my room. It's terrible in there. It basically looks like I'm a hoarder. I've got paths within the trash in order to get from A to B to C. A = the bed, B = the desk, C = the bathroom. My fridge and the closet don't have paths, you have to hope for the best in order to access them. The last time I cleaned my room was probably about 6 months after we moved in to this house. That was.... over 3 years ago? I'm terrible. Maybe I am a hoarder. A packrat. When I looked up compulsive hoarding... I've found the characteristics sound like me. I also find that the "Digital Hoarding" is me as well.

I'm incredibly glad that "Animal hoarding" is not me though. I'd hate to think of hoarding living creatures. Once, I ended up with 30+ dwarf hamsters, but that was completely by accident, and as a result, I doubt I'll ever have hamsters ever again. I started with two. Then, I bought two more from a friend, (only one survived... ate the other one. Very terrible. The survivor was then named "Killer".) I then bought 1 from another friend. His name was Sam, and he was HUGE. He had tried to escape his cage (which was an aquarium all to himself... he had his own, Killer had his own, and then the two I bought from the pet store - Pen and Pencil - had their own.) and ended up getting stuck upside down, hanging by one foot, on his home. I had checked on him that morning, but was gone all day, so that night I found him, he was not moving. He's a biter, and worse, he bites and holds, to where you need to shake him off. I was afraid to touch him, and ended up using a piece of cardboard to lift him until he was lifted off his home. He was alive, and incredibly hungry and thirsty. Poor Sam. Of all the hamsters I had, I probably loved Sam and Killer the most. Killer, despite the initial setback of him killing and eating his brother, he amazed me because he was so active and strong. I had a normal hamster cage for him originally, but it was so hard to maintain, we switched to an aquarium. We took the floor of the real cage, which was sorta ladder like, and put it in Sam's cage. He didn't do anything with it, so I tried putting it in Killer's cage. Immediately, he started climbing all over 'em like monkey bars. Pull ups and whatnot. And he did it all the time. He was awesome. Anyhoo, Pen and Pencil reproduced. It was exciting the first time, but it left me with five more hamsters. So then I had seven hamsters in one cage. Another pregnancy and I had 13 in one cage, I bought another cage, but I couldn't put any of the hamsters in with Sam or Killer, they were completely unrelated to the pet shop hamsters. Actually, Sam is the nephew of Killer. Me and my friend each bought our two hamsters from the same person, then I bought one hamster from her. But seeing as how Killer didn't get along with his own brother, I was certainly not going to attempt to try things out with Sam and Killer together. Noone wanted any hamsters, (with one exception, I was able to give two away to a friend, but that's it) and the pet store didn't have room for anymore. So I had 13 hamsters in two cages. 13 became 20. 20 became 30. And that's not including the 6 babies that died because I was stupid and moved the cage. It was late, I was trying to sleep. And one of the Pens or Pencils was going at it with the danged hamster wheel. I knew not to mess with the cage when babies were around, because the friend I gave two hamsters to did it, and the parents ate the babies. But, I NEEDED them out of there, so I CAREFULLY placed the cage outside my door. That morning, no more babies.

I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I think a disease may have found its way to the hamsters. They started to die. It was incredibly sad every time one died. I tried my hardest to keep them all checked on during multiple times of the day. But school was still around. High school. And I couldn't be around then. The hamsters kept dying. When they died, I would try to get them out of the cage as fast as humanly possible, because hamsters... they eat each other. I'll never forget walking down (my room was in the basement) to check on them, only to find one being eaten.... alive. *shudders* There were quite a few holes in the backyard that year. I buried each and everyone of them, even the ones that were no longer... whole. All in all, it was an incredibly terrifying experience. I never ever want another hamster.

...Moving on... I'll be attempting to clean my room soon enough. During which time I'll be kicking the boyfriend out. Cleaning is something I need to do on my own. He often offers to help, and definitely hates how my room has become, but I can't clean with him. I need to be alone.

I... am terrified of scary movies. Did I ever tell you that? Oh yes. Terrified. I HATE scary movies. Gremlins gives me nightmares. And that's supposed to be a comedy... I'm told. The Ring gave me nightmares, and I don't even think that was rated R. Right now, I'm watching... Drag Me to Hell. And I'm freaking out. FREAKING OUT. But, my bro and his girl started watching it while I was down here. Lots.. of fun.

Moving on... atleast trying to. Over the last few weeks I've mainly been playing with clay, reading, and trying to write. I'd shown my dad the little pumpkin thinger I made for Linny, and he told me to make a normal sized jack-o-lantern. I told him it would cost like, $20 bucks for the clay. I was wrong. I'd never made something so large before, usually I make small stuff. It took about $40 for it. I don't know if I'm happy with the way it came out, but I believe it's acceptable. I haven't taken a pic of it without light yet, but I did take a picture of it lit in the window. My dad bought battery operated flickering candles for it.

The picture was taken with my phone, because my batteries on my camera batteries need to be charged again. A couple days ago I did something I haven't done since I was atleast 9... I carved

a pumpkin. Ha. We haven't had a real jack-o-lantern in years and years. And usually we only ever carve basic shaped faces, like the clay jack-o-lantern I made above.

My friend and her family were carving pumpkins and I was invited to participate. They use paper stencils to carve pumpkins, so I did too. I chose the hardest one in the book to do, and it took me hours, but I'm happy with the result.

I have a headache. It's terrible. It won't go away. And so, I'm going away. Goodnight.

costumed dollies

The Joker in The Dark Knight was awesome. Heath Ledger did a wonderful job. Really.




Did you know if you're in the US, you could order flat rate boxes for free from usps.com? I only recently found this out, and decided to order some boxes... in the small chance I may need them. I am absolutely terrible at imagining sizes based on dimensions given, so I ordered the maximum.... which... thinking now... sounds.... like a lot.... 500 boxes. ROFLMAO. I got a few of the small boxes one day, and then the next day a few more of the small boxes came in, and I figured that was it, cuz I had forgotten how many I ordered. It was funny, because I kept having to explain them to my family. Then a couple days later.... I get the rest of the boxes...

Tada! I had received only 6 of those smaller packages before the rest arrived. And then I had to re-explain. lol. So now all of those boxes are in the dining room - the room that I have hi-jacked to use for my crafts. I'm a bit tired of the lack of light in the basement, even though I've got three lamps with the shades removed, one desk light, and the main light all on at once. *shrug* So now I'm in the dining room. No one seems to mind... I don't think. Well, I suppose my brother might hate it, but hey whatever, we don't use that room for 363 days a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas would be the only times we ever use it. It's not like he has a problem with me using the space though... it's the fact that I'm not exactly the neatest when I've taken over an area to play... meh.

That is my paint station... while it's clean... I should take a picture of it now. Hahaha. It's just a small end table in my defense... but yeah.... it's so sad how my stations get progressively smaller. All that paint doesn't normally stay with me though, it usually stays in my dad's room, on his desk, so that he can use it for his sticks.

So I spent days and days on the costumes, and finally finished them! All FOUR. Hahaha. Was incredibly frustrating, because I can not sew at all. The small bit of sewing I did do started coming apart, so I ended up using glue for almost everything. Lemme show pictures, so that I may speak of specifics.

Yaaaay... so I decided GemmaNoire would not be Gemma Noire this time. Noire is now Corrine. Scarlett is Gemma, and Hathar is Etti. Technically speaking, Scarlett and Hathar were supposed to be on the opposite doll... and the two outfits were supposed to be switched too... but upon beginning the corsets for the Bride and the Pirate, I made the last minute decision of switching them. With the hopes that the GemmaScarlett Bride outfit might actually somewhat fit an ED. The pirate outfit is so terribly done, and Etti's so much bigger, that I can't hope much of anything for that one. lol. And Dorothy is a three piece outfit. It's possible that it might fit an ED, but it's not very flattering. lol.


There's them without their faces. Haha. I'd like to also mention the ANNOYINGness of the crappy stands I made for Etti and Gemma. I spent all this time straightening wire hangers, then I actually used powers tool for the first time ever, to cut two pieces of wood. I sanded the wood a bit, then drilled two holes in to each of them. Then I yanked the wire through so the wire was basically bent in half, then twisted the two halves together. But I measured wrong, and had to change them so many times, then they weren't very secure... was just major ugh. Gemma's stand is actually wrapped around her under her boobs and under the bodice. Which makes the bodice not sit right, though you can't tell too much by the picture. And Etti's is so tempermental... she fell half a dozen times during my picture taking. Actually, I finally found a way to keep her up... At the fireplace (where I was taking the pics) there's a little porcelain dog... you can actually see it a bit in this picture:

Anyhoo, it's fairly heavy, so I stuck that on the wood, and hid him with Etti's skirt. That's why the bottom of her skirt in those pics are so poofy. lol.


Corrine is Dorothy. I made a clay Dorothy shoe to replace her normal red boot. Also made her an under dress, which is made of child size footless tights. So the bottom of the under dress has lace. The skirt isn't attached to the jumper part, because it's just easier to mess with that way. Her hair is only temporary - it's my dark brown wool. And then there's a basket with Toto in it. Hehe


Etti is a pirate. The outfit is based on a costume I wore three years back. Here's the only pic I could find of me in the outfit:

I took the pic in the car while waiting for the boyfriend to get off work. The plan was: me and the bf, my bro and his gf, and two of my friends, were all going to see the latest Saw. (Saw... 3? I think) The two friends decided to see the movie beforehand though, and didn't want to see it again. So they bailed. It was a bit upsetting, because the whole point of the trip was to see everyone in their outfits. So they were going to wait until after the rest of us were done with the movie, then meet up with us again, and we'd all go out to eat. So, me and the bf, and my bro and his gf, went to the movie. Oh boy... I didn't get far in to it. It was too... painful and gross. The bf and I ended up having to leave early. Only to find out my two friends already ate. Thanks for waiting. Ha. So we got frustrated, and went to eat.... only to realize that we were frustrated at my friends for basically ditching us... and we'd just done the same thing to my bro and his gf. ...Damn. I still feel bad for that.

Anyhoo, the hat and sword is made of clay. I regret the way I made the sword, I made it without a skeleton of anysort, so it feels very fragile. I love the hat, but I had made it using Gemma as the model, so it doesn't quite fit Etti. Mayhaps I'll take a pic of Gemma wearing the hat some time. Etti's hair is only temporary, it's orange wool that was kindly given to me by mayple. :)


Gemma was a bride. I was a bride in.... second grade I think? I wore my mom's wedding dress. I shot up around 1st or second grade, was the same height as my mom, then shortly after I stopped growing. But my mom figured that was the only time I'd ever be able to wear her dress. So yep. Her dress looked nothing like this dress though. And my original plans for this dress is slightly different, but meh, it works. The bodice is made of paper mache, (so is Etti's corset... except the area with the string... that's just fabric glued underneat the corset) the skirt is attached to the bodice by glue. There's an underskirt, which is made of some lace and tulle. I'm not sure if it actually does anything, but meh. The bouquet is made of clay, with wire stems, and have some of the lace used in the bodice wrapped around it. She's wearing Etti's hair, because I wanted her hair to be curly, and Gemma's normal hair is straight. But Etti is bigger than Gemma, so I had to use a bit of glue to keep the hair on. lol.



A closeup of Toto... what a failure that was. LOL. I tried making him without any references. And then I used a texturing technique I'd never done before... which took six HOURS... and once he was done.. I realized poor Toto looked more like a bear. lol. Oh well. I tried my hardest to paint the basket entirely, but dag-nabbit, I actually weaved together strips of clay for it, so I can't seem to get in between some of those pesky strips. lol. The flowers are wildflowers are real, I didn't make them, they come right out. I found them in our front yard and thought they were adorable. They might be aster... I looked up flower meanings online (for another purpose) and happened across them, and they look a lot like them. Elegance and Love... Just in case you were curious. lol.


A closeup of Gemma's flowers. This was why I was looking up flower meanings.
There's calla lilies: "Magnificent Beauty"
Stephanotis: "Marital Happiness"
And White Roses: "Charm and Innocence"
I looked them up before making them. I wasn't sure I wanted to make roses, but meh.



A shot of the bottom half of the pic. The leaves, berries... flower... the "outside" stuff is all real, I wandered outside for a quick walk to find them. Except the rose in front - my mom has a bouquet hanging upside down from a kitchen light (NO idea why) - and the pumkin, which was bought at walmart for 60 cents.


Linny's outfit is probably my favorite outfit... which is sad. LOL.


A closeup of the candies and cookies. Teehee. There's three red berries in there that aren't made of clay, they're real.



So Yeah... Linny is a ninja turtle. She's Raphael. This is a flashback to yesteryear. I was Raphael when I was 5. Everyone asked me the same effin' question, which really pissed me off: "There's a girl ninja turtle??" NO! There ISN'T! I just happen to like the RED ONE, got a PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!?! Ugh. Okay, so I was a tomboy when I was younger. I tell ya though, I learned my lesson, I was never a "boy" for Halloween again. Technically speaking... I think there may have eventually been a female ninja turtle, who was light blue... but I can't be sure, and I think that was years after my appearance as Raph.

I find it funny that Linny's is my favorite costume, because it was the most simple to make. I paper mache'd her shell, painted it, attached it to her with the "belt" - which is actually painted aluminum foil, then used thin balloons for the rest of it. You know, the balloons used in balloon animals? Yep. It was a bitch getting the green bits on, but the red bits were fairly simple, because they were smaller. Then her... er... sai (had to look up the spelling... the little mini sword things) are made of clay.

And... that's it for now! It's 11:30 and I wanna do some more clay painting before bed. Night!