Hello BEDA number four. I am still here and blogging, and I am MAKING SURE the Post date is in 2011. Ha. Yayness.As the title of the post suggests, I am conflicted. And feel guilty for feeling so. I feel like here is the perfect place to express my feelings though, so here we go.
My brother and my "sis" are now, officially engaged. I guess it happened this past Saturday. And I am incredibly and extremely happy for them. The 6th marks their... 6th year anniversary together? I think? And so it's wonderful to hear they've moved to the next step.
And now I feel guilty. Because I'm hurt. I love my brother. I respect him, and I'm grateful for our relationship. We've not argued or fought since middle school. We're cool. I've always even considered him a friend. A close friend at that.
Depending on if or when my mom heard, I may have been the last to find out about the engagement. I found out via a facebook status she posted. Then a confirmation when the next day they both changed their statuses from "In a relationship" to "engaged".
I'm his sister. His only sister. And the way I get to first hear about it is on a public facebook status?? Not even so much as a text shot my way? We all live in the same house! Dad said my brother hid the ring in Dad's room since he bought it last month. He couldn't have mentioned it to me sometime? Did he not trust me? I feel like... like I've misunderstood our relationship all these years. That our ability to not argue or fight... was not the fact that we got along, but that maybe he just couldn't be bothered by me.
My mom is... not the nicest person in the world. He and she have had their problems. While he doesn't hate her, he certainly does dislike her. He keeps his distance. She thinks he hates her. He can't be bothered to correct her. So it makes sense to me that she might be one of the last people to hear of it. But me? Does that mean that he dislikes me as well? And just can't be bothered to let me know? Ouch. Just... ouch. It hurts.
I'm still happy about the engagement though. I'm happy for him and "sis". I love her and am glad to hear that someday she will officially be a part of this family. No matter how much it may have hurt me to hear about it the way I did. Am I wrong to be sad about that?
Whatever. Moving on.
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
Wow. Really? How appropriate.
Unfortunately, might also be difficult to answer.
I don't tend to try and remember songs that make me sad. On a whole, I don't tend to listen to them.
There was one song that used to make me sad for a short time a few years back... let me see if I can find it...
Lindsay Lohan -Something I Never Had
There it is. It made me sad back then, because it reminded me of a pretty bad breakup. It doesn't make me sad anymore though. I came to my senses, saw that I was, in fact, nothing to him. I like the song though. It's on my ipod. Whenever I hear it, for a fleeting moment I remember the pain I had for that person, but it passes, and I instead listen to the song.
Speaking of pain for a person... I think I can include this song too:
Luke Conard - Happy
The song makes me feel the emotions that he feels. It's a great song.
On another note, I am bored with how my blog looks. I'm deciding whether I want to just... change blogs completely... or as a friend suggested... update the look of my blog. Thing is, I might want to change a LOT. Bleh. I shall decide eventually. Maybe. Or now. Whatever.
End post.
I like how you ended you post with "End post"
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel I had something similar happen to me once. I found out my best friend got into medical school through her boyfriends facebook. That itself isn't too bad but the school she got into was in another country so I basically found out she was leaving the country from her boyfriends facebook. When I talked to her about it after she said she didn't like text me about it immediately when she found out cause she was kind of freaking out over the thought of going to med school in another country.
Maybe you should talk to your brother about this. It might be an awkward conversation to have but if you just leave it it will have a lasting negative impact on your relationship. You could bring it up casually as a joke or something if you don't want to make it seem like a big deal at first.
Man. It does suck the way you found out. You've been having your ups and downs w/ your bro, but in the end you're still family. Maybe he just handled it the wrong way...? I can't think he's just trying to disregard you. I agree with joyfulgirl, just go talk to him about it! Maybe he just wanted to keep it a deep, dark secret, and he only told your dad cause he needed a place to stash the ring!
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